


Shattered

by ReigningMoon



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Other, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 05:43:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5194346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReigningMoon/pseuds/ReigningMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Pain is supposed to remind us that we're alive."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered

I’d rather still be in the armor!  
At least I wouldn’t have to feel anything.  
At least his attention would still be  
On me.  
I would still be the focus  
Of his life, not his lust.  
Did he restore me just for this?  
To use my body?

Suddenly, I was angry  
Angry, sad, hurt  
Jealous.   
I wanted to   
Hit him.   
A sparring match wouldn’t be enough.  
I wanted to hurt Brother.  
Punch him, kick him, make him cry.  
Cry like I did every day.  
Every time he wouldn’t talk to me  
Every time he wouldn’t look at me  
Every time I caught him kissing Winry  
I hated him  
I hated her.  
But, most of all,  
I hated me.  
Hated myself for letting Brother do that to me  
The first time he climbed in my bed  
The first time he kissed me like that  
The first time his hand slid down into my pants

I should have said’  
“No!”  
I should have pulled away,  
“Stop it, Brother”   
I should have punched him  
Shoved him off  
But I didn’t  
I kissed him back.  
I let his flesh hand stroke me  
Let his fingers enter me  
Let him fuck me.  
I thought we had started something beautiful  
I was convinced of it the second night  
I started looking forward to our time together  
Accepting, at first, his silence  
His ignoring of me in daylight

No one must know our secret  
I accepted that.  
And, after a while, started to wonder  
Why?

But  
This is my own fault, isn’t it?  
Because it’s not that I didn’t want this.  
For so long I craved his touch  
Tried to imagine it  
And after I was restored   
When he touched my hand,  
I craved more  
When he put his arm around my shoulders  
I craved more  
When he hugged me  
More!  
I wanted him to do more  
He kissed my forehead,  
My hands  
He looked at me so  
So, so  
I don’t know.  
Loving.  
Or so I thought.

He never speaks to me now  
And it hurts.  
I was never prepared to feel this  
Overwhelming agony  
Pain is supposed to remind us that we’re alive  
Unlike a wound, or a broken bone  
There is no soothing this pain  
No medicine, no bandages  
Brother has ripped my beating heart out  
And stomped on it

I know it is only a matter of time  
Even though he hasn’t made the move  
I know it is coming  
He will ask for Winry’s hand  
And I will be left alone  
I don’t want to be alone  
I don’t want him to leave me  
I can’t stand it.  
I need Brother even more now  
I yearn for his touch  
His kiss  
The feeling of him   
Inside  
Of my body  
I hate him!  
I hate him because I am ruined  
I’ll never be able to love anyone else  
I feel so much  
LOVE!!  
It makes me want to scream!  
I can’t take it any more!

Auntie Pinako found me  
lying on the bathroom floor,  
The shattered mirror  
The shards of glass,  
blood running red on her clean tiles  
All she said was  
“Alphonse, why?”  
It was the last thing I heard.


End file.
